Whew! What a first week. For all you who have been living in karst topography or are high on Kava, this was the first week of classes at ASU, and thank goodness it's over. I'm exhausted...from getting up an hour earlier than usual...from working out every day of the week...from running around in the blinding heat looking for my texbooks and other class materials...from worrying about that clicking sound my car makes in reverse...from not making sweet love to Kelly every day (or every other day). Hey, it's my 'blog, so I can talk about whatever I want, thank you very much you uptight NU freaks. Sorry, that was a little harsh. They ARE really nice people; they just don't know me right now.

But I'm tired, and it's only 2PM, or as they say in France, ... just kidding, we won't learn how to tell time until next week. All I can do is count the number of peons with cell phones. un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, ... too many to count. I think there are more cell phones at ASU than there are stars in the universe! Thank goodness for a three-day weekend, so I can spend time with my girlfriend.

Ahem. Bonjour. Je m'appelle Bradley. Je suis americain. J'habite a Mesa, Arizona. Comment vous appelez-vous? Comment allez-vous? Je vais tres bien. Et vous?

I am now being hassled by "the Man", otherwise known as (AKA) MR. BLOGGER. Sure, sure... it all sounds like such a phony conspiracy. I can just hear y'all saying "You're just making it all up, Brad." I know how you guys think. "Always with another CRAZY theory." Well, let me tell you this. You'll all feel pretty silly when I turn up dead in my office with a blogspot.com sticker on my pale, bloated corpse. Maybe I should call this "bradophrenia" instead of "bradvertise", because I'm feeling a little John Nash today.

MR. DEGREGORIO, THIS IS MR. BLOGGER. YOUR BLOG HAS NOT BEEN UPDATED IN 5 DAYS. I AM AFRAID WE WILL HAVE TO START POSTING PHONEY MESSAGES FROM YOU IF YOU DO NOT START REGULARLY BLOGGING. YOUR GIRLFRIEND WILL BE MUCH HAPPIER IF SHE FINDS A NEW BLOG EACH TIME SHE CHECKS FOR A BRADVERTISEMENT. THANK YOU.

MR. BLOGGER

All's well everybody. No one noticed my facade at Dolce, except for an old high school acquaintance who just happens to work there. We caught up on post-graduate gossip--who's married, who's engaged, who's pregnant, who's divorced, etc. I left as Kelly was getting her color, so I haven't yet seen her new asymmetrical 'do (I can't wait!). Instead of waiting around for hours until Kelly was all done, I went shopping for school supplies. The furniture guy at Office Max gave me free shelf supports, I found the only left-handed notebook east of the 101, and I spent over $100 on binders, folders, and magnets (and some other stuff too).

Ack! Why do I get so nervous before getting a haircut? Why do I feel the need to impress all the people in the salon? Why am I worried that they'll see right through me and realize that I'm nowhere near cool enough to step foot in Dolce? I just want to look cool. I want Kelly to think I'm cool. I want this damn hair out of my eyes!

Well, I know I'm lazy, so I took the day off today. The draw of video games was just too much for me to resist. But don't think I just sat around and played PlayStation all day. I also washed my car for the first time in weeks. I really love my car when it's clean. It just looks so cool!

And it looks like Beth finally figured out how to post her posts!

Last night I forced Kelly to watch the 1927 silent film Metropolis. It was frickin' hilarious! The son was a wackadoo, the girl freaked out every time she was being pursued (I was sure that an alien was about to pop out of her tummy), and the robot was basically a slut. The acting was over-the-top melodrama, while the makeup was silly (by today's standards). Oh my. Excuse me while I patch up my sides. I guess it needed something to take away the boredom of watching a film where you only know a quarter of the dialogue.

The Capitol of Geo-tainment!

Brad loves Kelly